Home Visit for the Holidays

Going home for a holiday visit provides the opportunity to observe what may be changing in your parents’ lives. Sometimes the changes are good: Dad has started a low-sodium diet; Mom is having her eyesight addressed; and the roof is being replaced after 25 years. Other times, you may be dismayed by what you find: Dad can no longer maintain the yard; the furnishings and flooring look stained, dingy and dusty; the food in the refrigerator and pantry are outdated; and the furnace does not seem to be working properly. 

 

When these changes are bothersome, you may have a tendency to immediately step in and tell your parents what to do. Often, this approach is not well received; your parents may perceive your advice as criticism and the discussion ends before it really begins.

 

Of course, if you feel there are immediate health and safety issues at home, the only responsible action is to try to open a dialogue with your parents regardless of how difficult it may be; however, if you are just a bit uncomfortable with the changes you notice in your parents’ home, a more thoughtful, respectful approach will likely yield better results.

 

Make a list of your concerns, but try not to address them during your visit. Use the holiday time to enjoy your family and continue observing their overall health, both physically and mentally. Given the opportunity, your parents may voice concerns on their own. Remember, they still want to be seen as the patriarch and matriarch, and like many in their generation, they find it difficult to ask for help.

 

After the holiday, review your list of concerns with siblings, friends, a social worker or geriatric care manager. Use this time as a “reality check” for your own level of concern – just because your parents have changed the way they live, does not mean they are incapable of living independently; however, serious concerns warrant a discussion.

 

The following is a list of significant changes that may indicate your parents need additional support, such as home care, money management or even assisted living:

• Financial difficulty in the form of stacks of unpaid bills or late notices for utilities.
• Negative changes in personal hygiene or housekeeping.
• Repetition when conversing, confusion, highly emotional behavior or unusual paranoia.
• Excessive shopping through TV or online outlets, or an unusual interest in contests, online sweepstakes or “scams” that require personal information, phone numbers, addresses, social security numbers and/or banking information.
• Extreme isolation due to the loss of a loved one or loss of personal mobility.
• Numerous safety concerns regarding heating, air conditioning, leaks, crumbling concrete or plaster, tripping hazards, fire hazards, steep stairways, loose carpeting and/or outdated electrical wiring.
• Health concerns, including disorganized medications, spoiled/expired food, lack of healthy options, lack of meal preparation, infestations and/or mold.

Remember to approach the conversation sensitively, stating your concerns as observations, not criticisms. The Parent Care Conversation by Dan Taylor is one of many new books that may help you talk to your parents.

Even when concerns about your parents’ lifestyle are minor in nature, you can still provide support. Lea Nugent, Owner & President of Caring Transitions of Lexington, offers the following tips:

• Give practical gifts. Instead of the same old sweater or bottle of perfume, give your parents gift certificates for needed goods and/or services, such as home delivery for groceries, transportation services, housekeeping assistance, laundry pick up, exterminators, lawn service and so forth.
• Purchase a few hours of time from a local handyman or professional organizer to help with repairs or downsizing.
• Research the value of family heirlooms online.
• Purchase photo digitizing services to help manage old photographs, slides or reels and share them with the entire family. 
• If you purchase clothing, be sure to avoid items with lots of zippers or buttons and shoes or slippers that have slippery soles.

The holidays are also a great time to go through family heirlooms and share the family stories behind them. Your parents may even want to begin distributing these as holiday gifts so they can share in the joy of seeing loved ones receive them. You can help them pack and ship the items yourself, or you can enlist the services of a professional, such as Caring Transitions.

 

“At Caring Transitions, we specialize in helping families sort and organize personal belongings,” said Nugent. “Not only can we help you pack and ship items and ensure a safe delivery, but we can include a note with each that describes the origin or significance of the item within the family. We take care of the details so you can enjoy spending time with your family.”

 

Most importantly, take this time to improve communication by calling or visiting more frequently. “Frequent conversation helps promote honesty and realistic perspectives about the inevitable changes that will occur as your parents grow older,” advises Nugent.

About Caring Transitions
As life changes, it may become  necessary to leave a familiar home and part with personal belongings in order to downsize and relocate to a smaller home or retirement community. At Caring Transitions, we help our clients understand the process, evaluate their options and make informed decisions that suit their best interests. We are committed to making each client’s experience a positive one by minimizing stress and maximizing results.

Call Caring Transitions for a Consultation - (859) 543-9848
Lea Nugent
Owner & President of Caring Transitions of Lexington
CRTS, CSA
829 Glen Abbey Circle
Lexington, Kentucky 40509
LNugent@CaringTransitions.net
www.CaringTransitions.net/LexingtonKY